Love Song – Revision

Ms. Robinson said that for the “revision” portion, we could use a poem that we have written.  Here I have the first and second drafts.  When I wrote the first one, I wasn’t really happy with it, exactly, or not as happy as I could be.  However, I never revise my “rhyming poems,” because that could mess up the flow.  Here, I decided to try it, and I really liked it.  It helped me to look at my work critically, and to make changes on my own.  I was able to take the poem in a slightly different direction, too.  I have learned to never be content with a piece of writing that I’m not wholly satisfied with.  I have also resolved to, in the future, revise many more of my poems.  I think that it helps me to be more creative.

Love Song

Why would I have loved a one as you?

You are as bright and shining as a star. 

You seem to suck the light from those nearby,

And yet you magnify just what they are.

But still, I always was content to be

Your satellite, and yearn for you and light.

It seems I never thought to realize

That I would be the one left in the night.

The other stars still pale in sight of you -

The planets are less glorious by far. 

I never could have dreamed for me the pain

That comes from loving such a brilliant star.

So blinded was I from your golden light,

That I could find my way no more, it seems.

I  cannot love you now in waking life,

But I will always love you in my dreams

 

Love Song

How could I have loved a one like you?

You are as bright and shining as a star. 

You seem to suck the light from those nearby,

But still you magnify the things they are.

I thought that I would be content to be

Your satellite, and yearn for you and light,

But I have realized, my love, you see,

That I have been the one left in the night.

You cannot mean to be just what you are,

I cannot mean to love someone like you.

But still I’m left alone – you are the sun.

I cannot compare – the planets too

Still writhe in envy of your glorious light.

The other stars cannot compare, it seems.

I cannot love you now in waking life,

But I will always love you in my dreams.

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